all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
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His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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