You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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