Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize