I hate all girls vehemently.
someone owes me an orgasm
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
