I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
