it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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