im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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