So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
