did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my shit smells like andre
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Randomize
