just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
