Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties