I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.