well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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