He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father