my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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