hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When did we convert life to cartoon?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
