there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
