Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
