you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
