You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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