Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
