somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
