Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
