and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
