we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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