It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
