This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i think im in europe. pls send help
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
