I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
