I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
