but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The best revenge is premature balding
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
