Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize