I have demons in me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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