I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
