I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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