Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i now understand why vodka
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
