this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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