i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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