I accidentally had phone sex last night
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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