i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
