i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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