I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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