Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
In America we eat man semen.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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