Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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