I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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