He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
