there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
