you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
