Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
