3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
