My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
