best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I didn't notice because vodka
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
