..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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