This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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