I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
