I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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