I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
