i just had sex bonerless
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
