toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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