if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
