Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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