I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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