He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
