I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
