Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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