I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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