i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
