Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
These tits shall not be calmed
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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