So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
