For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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